The 5 Words Your Baby says from Day 1: Reviewing Priscilla Dunstan's Baby Language

The younger of my two daughters was a cry baby. It wasn't her fault; she was in constant pain due to a heart murmur and an underdeveloped tummy that was (and still is) prone to intense bouts of acid reflux. Things were so bad that for the first 9 months of her life, she could not be laid down flat or even on a wedge to sleep. Momma & Daddy had to take turns holding her upright on our chests in the rocking chair every single night. It felt horrible. Knowing that she was hurting and couldn't explain made us feel helpless. We would have given just about anything to know what she was trying to say.

With those memories flashing through my head as I began thinking about our new baby's first days, weeks, and months, I started scouring the web for ideas on how I could better understand the messages my baby would be sending me. I found this:

 

I was hooked. I had to learn more. I found the Dunstan Baby Language system on Amazon.com and added it to my registry (which I use as my own personal baby-related shopping list). When I showed the clip to my Mom, she said that she loved the concept, but didn't know if she felt it truly worked. She had a hard time hearing the differences in 3 of the 5 "words". The three she struggled to hear were the same three I struggled to hear. The two that I could hear loud and clear were the two that would naturally include other physical signs. 

With a $30 price tag, I decided I shouldn't dive in without more research. Abe and I reserved the DVDs at the local library and watched them together with our daughters. I didn't want Abe to have the same perspective that I had, so I did not show him the Oprah clip before we watched these DVDs and I avoided telling him what the system was all about. 

Watching the 2 disc set (which could easily be put on a single disc) left me quite underwhelmed. Nothing included in the DVDs made me feel better prepared than the YouTube clip had. In fact, I found that I vastly preferred the YouTube clip to the $30 DVDs. Worse still; I still could not (and cannot) clearly differentiate the subtle differences between "neh" (hungry), "Eh" (upper wind/needs to burp), and "Heh" (discomfort). I can occasionally hear the "n" part of "neh" and then figure it out, but everything else is iffy at best. The remaining two words, "Owh" (tired) and "Eairh" (gas), were fairly obvious, but I question whether or not they would be obvious without assigned words to them.

As much as I wanted to find some mystical answer in this system, I didn't. I do intend to rewatch the clip from Oprah after my baby arrives and see if I feel like I've learned something, but I won't be purchasing the DVDs or even leaving them on my registry.

I wanted to get Abe's opinion on the DVDs, too. Here is his review:

Tonight I checked out a Dunstan Baby Language DVD from the local county library. Dunstan Baby Language, more recently going by DBL, is a series of products based around the hypothesis that babies innately try to communicate using 5 sounds, and that by learning and recognizing these sounds parents can take care of many of their babies basic needs before the baby resorts to crying. After viewing the 2 DVDs and conducting some online research, my stance is as follows: Priscilla Dunstan seems to be profiting off of the desperation and uncertainty of parents. 

The cries and sounds exemplified in the DVD seem to overlap with one another. While I make no claim that my hearing is as perfect as Dunstan's, it seems that this is exactly what the DVD makers are counting on. The goal of DBL is to place the idea that the sounds babies make are formed based upon their underlying causes, that these sounds are universal, and that if the efforts that a parent makes to respond to these sounds are wrong, it is a matter of the parent needing to get better at listening. Form seems to be applied to noise, with that noise only being nominally differentiable in any consistent way, and any error is attributed to the user and not the model. The hypothesis, in practice, is almost unfalsifiable and relies largely on confirmation bias. This is evident in the BBS and blog entries and comments of frustrated parents who have bought into the system. Frequently, parents complain of being only able to recognize one or two sounds, often the most general and common of the causes for which an infant would require attention. While watching I found this offensive and reminiscent of faith healing. Unfortunately, there seems to be no James Randi devoted to products designed to bilking parents out of money.

While I found the DVDs distasteful I was unprepared for the company's website, which, while giving off the appearance of well-meaningness, was downright offensive. The site unsurprisingly, and this is not an object of my offense, is geared towards convincing parents to buy DVDs and enroll in training to teach the methods of DBL. This (http://www.dbltrainingcenter.com) may be the latest, though not most brazen, attempt to create a new type of Black Belt Academy. What I find truly objectionable is the attempt to claim evidence and research-based standing while at the same time vilifying and dismissing the very notion of independent research and review. An excerpt:

For 8 years, worldwide research was conducted that finally validated a remarkable idea:

that every baby, of every race, colour, & culture made these same 5 sounds before they 

cried out. And each cry meant baby needed something specifically. No more guessing.

All you had to do was LISTEN. And respond before the crying escalated.

- http://www.dunstanbaby.com/about-us/

But then:

It’s natural to wonder, Could this baby language be real? 

A cursory Googling with find many thousands of happy mothers blogging & reporting about

their own experience. 

Amazon.com†has over 100 vocal reviews alone, positive & negative. 

Academia is inclined to ignore such unscientific anecdotal evidence. After all, what would an

unqualified mother possibly know? 

- http://www.dunstanbaby.com/our-research/

It's troubling to me that the company will on one hand claim that their methods have been tested and "finally validated", while on the other dismiss "Academia" and its insistence on repeatable inquiry and non-anecdotal evidence, and do this with an implication of anti-matriachal sexism. DBL, on that very page, goes on to make note of a Brown University study as well as one by The Leading Edge, a "commercial research organisation". Of course, what could an unqualified mother know that isn't better filled in by companies trying to profiteer than researchers that may perhaps be more open to investigative rigor.

The findings of The Leading Edge are summarized as well, and read like the label on a magnetic wristband that spritzes acai extract:

• 90% of all mothers reported that DBL is valuable and would recommend it to other mothers 
• 100% of first time mothers reported it was valuable and would recommend it to other mothers
• Significant increases in maternal self esteem and significant reductions in parental stress
• Almost 70% of test mums reported their infant settled faster after using DBL
• Almost 70% felt more confident as a mother and more relaxed and in control
• Over 50% reported more unbroken sleep for themselves and their baby. 
• 50% felt more bonded to their baby 
• 50% believe their baby is feeding better
• DBL not only helps mothers, but also benefited 2 out of 3 fathers, resulting in reduced levels of stress, greater paternal involvement in the baby’s care, and more positive marital relationships

While they go on to say that they will provide copies of the full reports, and do include some tables charting their claims from these studies, one has great reason to doubt both the methods and findings of these trials, as it seems beyond likely that these studies were essentially a petri dish for the bacteria of reporting bias, publication bias, and expectancy bias. Whether the Brown University testing was to be sufficiently rigorous is itself dubious, but canceling those plans to instead conduct commercial trials which claim the pretense of Brown's methodology seems at least dishonest.

If some parents find that listening for certain sounds in their baby's cries leads them to be more responsive and more confident in their reactions that can have real value, and is not at all an unlikely outcome for adopters of DBL. Parents of infants are desperate to know that they are doing all they can for their baby, frustrated when nothing seems to be working, and eager for answers to the basic question of how to help. They are unconfident, and they are exhausted. It's shameful that DBL has gone so far to take advantage of this.

Have you tried Dunstan Baby Language? 

How did it work for you?

High Risk Reaction: Car Accident (Winter Storm Gandalf)

In case it hasn't been clear, I live in northern Utah. In fact, we live just south of Salt Lake City. When Winter Storm Gandalf hit, we were smack in the middle of it.

Storm warnings had been all over the news for a few days: If you don't have to drive Thursday evening, DON'T! So, after spending my morning with my mother and going out to lunch, I decided I better get home before the storm hit. I left her house (a mere 20 minute drive in normal weather from my own) when the clouds started to roll in. There were a few tiny snowflakes in the air, but nothing to worry about.

About halfway home, I stopped at a red light and CRASH! - the guy behind me didn't. I took a deep breath and realized that my breathing wasn't quite right. My back began to hurt a little bit and sure enough, I had the first contraction I'd had in about a week. The other driver came up to "check on me" (aka: tell me that there wasn't any damage to our cars, so we should just pretend it never happened) and I told him that I needed to call it in because of my pregnancy. Skipping over some of the details here (I'm probably going to need a lawyer to get my bills paid and if past experience is any indicator, they won't want me to be too terribly public about the accident itself)... the police arrived, then the ambulance arrived, then a fire engine. I was able to hear the fire engine, but I never got to see it because the police and EMTs were very worried about my condition and wanted to get me on my way to the hospital as quickly as possible.

Here's where being high risk becomes something that requires diligence: The EMTs refused to take me to the only hospital equipped to handle my pregnancy. They insisted that the hospital I was requesting was past 9 other hospitals - all of which would be able to handle my situation just fine. They said they would take me to a closer, smaller clinic that was run by the same group that runs my hospital. The doctors would be the same. The records would be the same. I told them I was certain I would just be transferred to the main hospital and they gave me the standard, "yeah, yeah" response. After calling it in and nearly arriving at the clinic, they received a call from the clinic saying they could not accept me. They had pulled my chart (remember the whole shared-records thing?) and that I absolutely had to be seen at MY hospital. The "yeah, yeah" guy was frustrated and tried to tell them they would just take me to another one of the 9 options that were closer. He was told not to do that under any circumstances. They turned the ambulance around and we headed up into the Rocky Mountains to get to my hospital.

Nearly 20 minutes into the ambulance ride (have you ever ridden in one of those things? Absolutely miserable) the snow started to pick up. Gandalf had arrived. The EMTs put me on oxygen and buckled themselves in. We watched through the illuminated windows as cars slipped down canyons and twisted into awkward shapes along our path. Many drivers simply couldn't move for the ambulance. As we passed the gully (along with a popular climbing rock known as Suicide Rock), I was hit with a forceful contraction. I convinced myself it was anxiety, but I silently feared that I was going into labor - that I would have my baby without my husband by my side; and that I might bleed to death before we could even see the hospital.

The total time in the ambulance had to have been at least an hour due to the storm. When we arrived, I was wheeled into Room 1 of the E.R. The EMT who was wheeling me in saw the crowd gathered for me and his jaw dropped. He made a sound that I believe was meant to be something along the lines of "Whoa" and backed away.

The moments that passed after that are not well-organized in my mind. I was freaked out by the sheer number of people in the room. I was extremely glad that I had removed my Sundance 2012 volunteer jacket and my sweater before exiting the ambulance. Why? Because as soon as they got me in that room, doctors were yelling to be heard over other doctors. I had at least 8 people leaning over my body at all times. And the part that set my anxiety on an upward spiral: They cut off every stitch of clothing I was wearing. I asked multiple times that they stop and explain what was going on. I begged them to let me just take my clothes off by myself. I was ignored and held down. One doctor held my neck in a traction position, fearing that my neck had been broken in the low-speed, low-impact crash. An IV was started. My blood sugar was tested. My necklace (I wear a chain with my wedding rings & a pendant from my late father) was removed so they could quickly x-ray my chest and hips. When they couldn't get a clear answer regarding the condition of my back, they quickly moved me onto one side and started tapping along my spine. They tried to insert tubes EVERYWHERE. That was when I couldn't handle any more. I was sick of them ignoring my pleas for them to stop - my cries of "No Consent". I remember hearing "You're going to feel a bit of pressure, we're going to insert some tubes..." and that's when I screamed. I wanted everyone inside and outside of that room to know that if they continued, they were breaking the law. "NO CONSENT! I am a rape survivor. I will not consent." The many beeps, buzzes, and hums of the machines in the room were the only sound for a fraction of a second. The Trauma team stopped. They rolled me back onto my back and half of them started calling for the OB team. The other half tried to convince me to consent to a CT scan of my back. I refused to consent - knowing that I did not want to expose my unborn son to a direct dose of radiation. If I had been given the option, I would have refused the earlier x-ray of my hips for the same reason. The Trauma team was not happy.

While the OB team worked to secure me a Labor and Delivery room, a social worker came in and asked me who he should call and what I wanted him to say. I asked him to call my mother and my husband and to tell them that I was okay and that the baby was okay. The social worker then asked one more question: "If they want to come up here, what should I say?" I thought of all those cars slipping around, bumping into one another and into guard rails. I thought of my husband trying to keep our daughters calm while he fought to get to the hospital. I sent the social worker with the message that I would be fine and that I did not want anyone to risk the storm in order to be with me. I hadn't cried about the accident, but now the tears came with force. A young girl dabbed my cheeks with a tissue without saying a word. She then told me that my valuables would be put in the hospital safe. Several doctors told me again that my baby was looking great on the monitors, but this time they added that I would have to stay the night for observation. I had assumed as much. After all, how would I get home tonight, anyway? What I hadn't assumed was what they said next: They were ordering that I stay on my back. My back could very well be broken.

The tears came again as I realized that the shooting pains down my legs and the back pain that had started as a minor annoyance were getting significantly worse with each passing minute. I worried about the impact it would put on my baby if I were to stay on my back overnight. I felt lost and alone and trapped and violated.

I was moved to Labor and Delivery and found myself observing a confusingly friendly disagreement between the OB doctors and the Trauma doctors. OB obviously didn't want me to be stuck flat on my back all night. Trauma insisted that it was necessary. I couldn't stand being on a hard, flat, backboard any longer. I told the Trauma team that I would not be staying on my back all night and that I would leave the hospital AMA (that's "Against Medical Advice") after withdrawing all consent to treat if they did not comply. Their objections continued, but everyone in the room knew that my mind was made up. Trauma tried to order a catheter to be placed. I told them no - that I had felt extremely violated in the E.R. and that I would not be violated any further. I asked my nurse to please help me stand and I walked to the bathroom on my own.

Oddly enough, I found that once I had the weight of my belly off of my back, the pain wasn't as bad. It still hurt and I couldn't sit up or stand for more than a couple of minutes at a time, but it was something. I agreed to stay as still as possible in a reclined position as much as possible. That's how I spent the night.

OB ordered dinner for me. Along with a small vase of fake flowers, I found a greeting card on my tray. The front of the card was a simple butterfly. The handwritten words inside: "Sorry your clothes were cut off. - Labor & Delivery" I was grateful that I had been left alone to eat. I spent the next 20 minutes crying. It wasn't Labor & Delivery that had done anything wrong. They had been nothing but wonderful. Yet, in that moment, they knew that I was suffering and that any apology - even from the wrong people - was appropriate.

After eating what I could, I called my husband. We stayed on the phone together until I felt like I could sleep.

At 1:30 in the morning, I woke suddenly and found the room quite dim. I was surrounded by three tall men - doctors from the Trauma team. They were frustrated. They didn't want me to stay at an incline. They wanted me flat on my back. They wanted me to consent to the CT scan. I explained that I had already had this conversation and that it had already been decided. They told me I was not to leave my hospital bed again. They also told me I was not allowed to eat or drink anything until they said differently. I started to panic. I felt trapped again. Any sense of safety that I had mustered since leaving the ER left me. In my mind, I found my husband, found his strength, and I decided that I would be my own advocate since he couldn't be there. I repeated what I had said to the earlier Trauma doctors: I would rather sign an AMA form and withdraw consent than obey those orders. They could treat me like a human being and they could take the OB doctors' orders under advisement or I would leave the hospital immediately; even if that meant calling a cab and praying that it could make it up to the hospital to take me home. They muttered something about checking with a supervisor and left the room.

I hit the nurse call button and told my nurse that I wanted some assurance that I would not be woken up by a group of all men again. I asked that they not be allowed in my room without either my nurse or my OB doctor. She agreed to talk to everyone in Labor and Delivery and to post signs on my door. She then apologized. Again, I cried. After she left, I called my husband and asked him to write down what had happened so there would be a physical record of it. He did. I didn't sleep for the next several hours. When I did sleep, it was after receiving benedryl and percocet from my OB doctor.

In the morning, OB was ready to let me go. They had to wait for Trauma, but when Trauma arrived and I notified them that my decisions from the night before were final, they couldn't fight it any longer and agreed to discharge me, too. They insisted and I stay flat in bed at home as often as possible and that I take it easy. They said they wanted me to have that CT as soon as my baby was born. I agreed.

Abraham left work as soon as he could and came to take me home. I spent the rest of the day in bed, mostly sleeping.

I don't know if my back is broken, but I know the pain will not go away. It's constant.  Let's hope my condition improves.

Crunchier than I Thought: Cloth Diapers and more

In September 2012, I was lucky enough to be visited by a dear friend who was in town for a short while. She's been a huge support during the roughest parts of this pregnancy and I was eager to see her face to face. It was my first opportunity to meet her beautiful first-born son and to see exactly how a cloth diapering family travels.

Wait wait wait... Let's back that up.

Cloth diapering? That's some pretty crunchy granola. It's hippie talk. Disposables are easy and if they weren't perfectly fine for our babies, they wouldn't be on the market. Why would anyone want to be up to their elbows in poop and extra laundry? Truly, I'm a girl who loves convenience. I will admit that I have purchased separate packages of Apple Dippers from McDonalds and I've bought one-time-use versions of just about everything available at the grocery store.

I'm not that girl.

I don't compost. I recycle, but not religiously. I used disposable diapers on both of my daughters. I use chemical heavy aerosol disinfectants in the house (albeit, not often). I let my kids eat Top Ramen and over processed chicken nuggets. I haven't camped in the middle of nowhere in years. I rarely buy organic. In fact, I only buy organic when it happens to be on sale for a price lower than the alternative. But after hearing about my friend's experience with cloth diapers, I found myself curious. 

Maybe I am that girl. 

I watched my friend and her son and tried to tell myself that what they were doing was different. Just one problem with that: It wasn't. They were both completely, almost unnervingly normal. If I hadn't been told beforehand that they were cloth diapering, I never would have known. My curiosity grew.

I asked questions. She was more than happy to answer and to fill in the details about the parts I hadn't yet thought to ask about (or felt awkward asking). She referred me to websites and gave me the benefit of her experience. She mentioned things she wished she had done differently, like sewing her own cloth wipes instead of buying them. She expressed how happy she was with the money she was saving. She was happy that she wasn't adding to the mountains of disposable diapers in landfills. Her laundry was just as manageable as before. She had never had a complete diaper failure like her friends using disposables.

I soaked up every word. It was then that I decided I should probably set this nonsense aside and let my usual critics silence this ever-growing idea. I first brought it up with my husband. If reading those pro-cloth sites did nothing else, it did convince me that most fathers are not excited to try cloth. My husband? He's not most fathers. He's better. Abraham was raised by a mother who expected her sons to listen to her. He heard exactly what I was saying and was 100% in favor of trying cloth. My fear began to grow as my reasons not to cloth diaper began to dwindle. I repeated over and over again in my head: I am not a hippie, I am not a hippie, I AM NOT A HIPPIE! I turned the duty of shutting down my intentions to my mother in law. If you can't trust a mother in law to disapprove of your parenting choices, who can you trust? Struck out again. She fully supported the idea and promised to help where she could. Knowing that my own mother would support any decision I made, I gave up on being talked out of it. And just like that, the decision was made. I could no longer figure out where I could object. Maybe I am a hippie. Maybe that's not such a bad thing.

I am that girl. I'm going to use cloth diapers for my son. 

I'm keeping an open mind and an escape route handy. Knowing that I'm less than reliable when it comes to being crafty, I've determined that disposables will be fine until the umbilical stump falls off. Folding a diaper is one thing. Folding it around a cord? No, thank you. I've also determined that when we travel in October, we'll be using disposables. I have no intention of figuring out how to wash cloth diapers aboard a cruise ship or while staying at Disney World. If the trip were only a couple of days, I could see attempting it; but we're looking at 2+ weeks. 

Now that my diaper research and decision are solid, I've started noticing the other "crunchy granola" behaviors in my life. I'm a huge proponent of reusable shopping bags. Sure, this is something that is becoming very common, but if you had asked me 10 years ago if I would ever haul my own bags to the grocery store, I would have laughed. I would have laughed and then probably made some condescending remarks regarding your sobriety. 

I signed up for EcoBabyBuys.com (Disclaimer: I receive nothing for promoting their site) and within a week, I'd purchased a set of 4 wool dryer balls. This was never my intention. I signed up for the site hoping to get some good deals on cloth diapers, but when I started reading about wool dryer balls, dollar signs appeared behind my eyes and I couldn't resist eliminating pricy dryer sheets. The whole idea of reducing chemical exposure was just a bonus. (For the record: The dryer balls arrived today. I've yet to try them. I will most definitely post a review of them after I've had the chance to see exactly how well they work.) I took my friend's advice and I made a set of cloth diaper wipes. 

They were so easy to make and turned out so cute that I started thinking about other things I could make. Today, while cutting up an apple, I realized that I use a small fortune in paper towels every week just drying off fruit and vegetables before cutting them. Now I find myself planning to use some of the wipe materials to make a small dish towel specifically meant for drying fruits and veggies. I've started using vinegar to clean my windows. I'm not using nearly as many one time use items or items with lots of chemicals. I buy local more often than not. I have no idea what has come over me. 

I know this: My family seems healthier already and we're in a position to save a lot of money with these little endeavors. Will we stick with cloth diapering? I have no idea. Right now, I've purchased a few cloth diapers and I'm willing to give it a shot. I'll give you all an update when we figure out how well it works (or doesn't work) for us. 

If you are a cloth diaper distributor or retailer and would like me to add your product to my stash of cloth diapers and accessories to try and later review, please email PontiusPython@yahoo.com. I am willing to try just about anything and will send you the review before I publish it, but I retain the right to be completely honest with my findings. Any reviews of such products will be made available for publishing on your site as well as mine. 

  

   

UPDATE #1: Baby T's Nursery

The first post in this series can be found here. 

As with most aspects of baby preparation, things haven't been going smooth. We've been rolling with the punches and keeping our cool. Brilliant things happen if you can just keep your cool long enough. 

Moving one kid out and another one in.

We managed to move J out of her room, but sorting through her rubble of old toys and homework took significantly longer than we had hoped. The whole "get it all done during fall break" idea turned into a "Crap! We need to get these kids back into a real bedroom before Christmas!" ultimatum; an ultimatum that we were able to meet because of the help of my Mom and some of our remarkable friends.

Lesson Learned: Be diligent when masking off the ceiling if you are absolutely certain that you do not want to paint it.

We had a perfect storm of conditions for cancelling the scheduled painting in the baby's room. We ignored it and painted anyway. I, of course, could not paint because of the fumes. My Mom, who is an experienced and wonderful painter, fell so sick after the first 10 minutes of painting that she could barely move for 2 days. Abraham had to work. The painters we were left with were a great friend of mine from college who had never painted before in all of her life and my two daughters. 

My friend, Jessica, did her very best to reign in the insanity, but alas, there were a few unavoidable splatters of dark blue paint on the "white" ceiling. The fumes were far too strong for me to get to the splatter before it dried and my Mother in Law assured me that latex paint remover would make quick work of the splatter in the morning. 




About a week later, I got sick of waiting for paint remover and started googling solutions. One of the first and most professionally touted options was Goo Gone. 

 

While it did take off the paint splatter, I found that it worked too well - and also took off the "white" (which turned out to be more of an eggshell color than an actual white) paint under the blue splatters. Frustrated, hungry, and running out of time before the Christmas holidays, Abe and I took our last gift card to the local brewery and shared a plate of fried pickles. We discussed options for trying to fix the ceiling without spending a ton of money or risking the fresh paint on the walls. We determined that we could go to either Home Depot or our favorite little antique shop, Abode, and ask for advice from far more creative people than ourselves. Being fans of the path less traveled, we opted first for Abode. We left in much better spirits than we had arrived in. The women at Abode had suggested several ideas that didn't sound bad. Creating a kind of faux-finish muslin or burlap canopy from the light fixture to the border of the walls seemed very artistic and would work with our steampunk theme. Still, we wanted a cheaper, faster, easier solution. We stopped by Home Depot on the way home and they suggested taking a bunch of paint samples with us to try to match the color of the ceiling. We did. As it turned out, it was much easier to match the ceiling than we had thought it would be. Unfortunately, we had no way of knowing what kind of finish the original ceiling paint was. Knowing that we needed a gallon of white (or nearly white...) paint to finish the only non-purple wall in the girls' new room, we opted to just do a gallon of the color we knew matched the ceiling. Worse case scenario, we'd have to very, very, very carefully tape off the fresh walls and paint the whole thing. 

You guessed it: Worse case scenario. Luckily, Mom was feeling better and managed to tackle the rest of the work in both rooms in less than a weekend. I don't know what I would do without her. 

After both the nursery and the tweens' new room had dried, I cleared out all of our stuff from the antique buffet and (on an insanely rare day of not feeling like a zombie) moved it into the nursery. I installed the safety outlet covers and brought in the rocking chair, too. To top off my accomplishments, I brought in the little pirate map pillow I had found at Ikea and tossed it on the back of the rocking chair. 

 

Progress. 

Baby Steps: You don't need to eat the whole elephant today.

Now that progress had become a real, tangible thing, I was hooked. Unfortunately, my body felt differently. I had to slow my efforts and wait. This turned out to be a very good thing, however, as the kind woman next door started bringing over hand-me-downs from her son. These gifts included a nearly complete wardrobe (0 - 9 months), a jogging stroller, and a nice Fisher Price Swing.  In the same week, the case of disposable diapers I had ordered on sale for our cruise in October arrived. The nursery closet was the ideal place to keep things. We set up what we could as time and my health allowed. 

We found the old bouncer we had used with our daughters when they were babies and the neighbors gave us one that matches the swing, too. 

I found the perfect frame for our steampunk Stitch in my craft & photography supplies. We found a vintage Hawaiian map online and printed it out with our laser printer to serve as a mat between Stitch and the white mat that was included with the frame.

Abe found an old clothing organizer in the basement and hung it in the closet. I found a package of 3 document frames on sale at the local craft shop for only about $7. I framed the 3 "Lilo & Stitch" lithographs that matched the room best and used Hercules Hooks to hang them.

I found my Dad's old globe in the basement and put it on top of the antique buffet to serve as a nightlight. We may end up moving it, but right now there aren't a lot of places to move it to.

World Market had some great sales just before Christmas and I managed to snag this frame for $6 and change. I copied an image from my "Chrono Cross" strategy guide that has great sentimental value to myself and to Abraham. It took a little trial and error to crop it right, but I'm happy with how it turned out. I also purchased a large woven basket for keeping clean diapers and such within reach. 

All in all, it's not looking bad. (The white mark on the wall is just the light coming in from the window.) I haven't photographed it yet, but Abe's Mom gave us a cute rug for the room on Christmas, too. We haven't purchased a crib yet and the cradle we bought is still in the garage waiting for some love, but we've got time.

SINCE OUR LAST NURSERY POST: 

Our favorite little antique and consignment shop, Abode, has moved! If you're anywhere near the Salt Lake Valley and would like to check them out, you can now find them at 959 east 3300 south. 

More updates soon!

   

Baby Shower vs. Open House (and what to get the mom-to-be that has everything)

Do not go to a message board looking for answers as to what might and what might not be socially acceptable regarding your baby shower. Seriously. Don't do it. You will find yourself buried beneath a monstrous pile of anger, hate, and judgement. Nobody needs that, least of all an already hormonal, emotional, pregnant woman.

There are several schools of thought regarding any kind of celebration for a new mother (whether she has other children or not) and her baby. Most of these schools are exclusive of one another. Arguments happen frequently. Traditional vs Non-Traditional seems to cause the most upset.

If I can't ask on a message board, 

how should I know what to do? 

I'll walk you through a few of your options. 

First, let's cover some baby celebration terminology. 

THE LINGO: 

Baby Shower: This is the most traditional form of baby celebration involving gifts. Traditionally, this is held fairly late in pregnancy and in many cases is even held after the baby is born and includes a guest list of only women. The purpose of the Shower is to shower the mother-to-be with gifts that will help her care for her child. This is a time when elders share their wisdom from their parenting experiences whether the new mother likes it or not. This is a time when it is expected that guests may want to rub a pregnant woman's belly or discuss otherwise taboo subjects (circumcision, after birth pains). This type of celebration is typically reserved for a first time mother or when children are at least 10 years apart in age. More recently, Showers have started to crop up during the expectant mother's second trimester or earlier. A variety of silly games are common place at these events.

The Sprinkle: Thought of as a miniature shower, the sprinkle is an opportunity for a mother who has already had a shower for a previous pregnancy to supplement her stash of supplies (most notably diapers and anything that covers the gap if her last child and next child will not be of the same gender or born in the same season). This celebration is ideal for those who have children close together and who know that they will be having (or trying to have) more children in the near future. These mothers are more likely to already have the big tickets items such as a crib, playpen (Pack N Play), stroller, infant car seat, etc. There are a few traditionalists who believe that a mother who has already had a Baby Shower should not be having any other celebrations regardless of how many children they have or which gender the future babies are. Often, they label these events as "Gift Grabby". 

Open House: A more modern take on a baby celebration, these events include less of an emphasis on gifts and more of an emphasis on gathering together those who wish to celebrate the new child with the family. The guest list for an Open House is much larger and more inclusive than the guest list of a traditional event. Co-workers, friends, family; everyone is welcome. Expectant fathers and the baby's siblings often attend. The event is not expected to be for women alone. Gifts and registries can be a part of the event, but they are not required. Generally, a small spread of snacks and desserts is prepared for guests.

Host: The host is whoever has offered to throw the party or event. It is considered by most to be extremely tacky for an expectant mother to host her own event. This is considered "Gift Grabby" and inconsiderate. Many expectant mothers fear that no one will offer to throw them a Baby Shower (or other event) if they have not received an offer early in their pregnancy. It is often recommended that they wait to see if such an offer presents itself. 

Gift Grabby: Many newer events and ideas for Baby Showers (etc) are considered "Gift Grabby" - or a rude attempt by the mother (and/or father) to convince others to finance their child through gifts. Some concepts (Asking guests to bring a book for the baby instead of a card with their gift; Including detailed registry information with invitations; Diaper parties for fathers, etc) are considered more audacious than others (The Sprinkle, for example). 

With these basics covered, we can delve a bit deeper into the expected etiquette of a modern baby celebration. Many objections in the name of etiquette are regional. In some communities it is considered clever for a Host or Hostess to ask guests to fill out their name and address on an envelope for the Mother-to-Be to make Thank You notes easier. In other communities, this is considered extremely rude. Some families hold separate showers for each side of the family; some families combine showers. Where one group may find it Gift Grabby and an attempt to score extra gifts when they receive an invitation suggesting they bring a baby book in place of a greeting card with their gift; others see it as a very smart way to help a family start their baby's home library for approximately what would have been spent on a card anyway.

Here's the cold, hard truth: 

You cannot please everyone. All you can do is try to be polite and considerate. In the end, each person will decide for themselves whether or not to attend an event, bring a gift, or participate in a game. Try not to let yourself get bent out of shape about it. 

It's easier said than done. Personally, I have pondered whether or not to have a Baby Shower this time around. I guess I'm more traditional than I thought. No, I don't own baby furniture or bottles or any of that stuff anymore... But isn't that my own doing?  I chose to pass those items down the hand-me-down path followed by so many baby supplies. I did not believe I would have another child. I'm overjoyed with my opportunity to have a son and I'm more than willing to take on the costs involved. I have been offered events hosted by several friends and family members and have opted to attend an Open House hosted by my Mother (with the help of some cousins who have volunteered). I did not want to do any kind of celebrating during the first two trimesters of my pregnancy out of fear more than traditional mindset. What if something happened? After all my miscarriages, what if I miscarried again? What would I say to all those people who showed up and brought gifts? The fear was too great. 

My own Open House will not be traditional, but I intend to be polite and grateful. My Open House will be attended by my husband and our daughters. The high risk nature of my pregnancy means that I will not likely be mobile come February. Because of this, the Open House will be held in our home. All of our interested friends, family, co-workers, and neighbors will be invited to attend. Children will be welcome. I've been told that more than one of my male friends plan to attend. I can feel good about this celebration. Abe and I have created a registry (more as a shopping list for ourselves than a list of things we expect others to buy) and we have tried not to shop from it so much that there's nothing left for anyone else. We're putting off certain purchases and reveling in the amazing Christmas gifts and hand-me-downs that we've already received. Though I did create a Facebook event for the Open House, I also asked anyone who would like a traditional invitation by mail to send me their address. I had few replies and found that I received more messages from friends saying that they'd rather keep track of the event through Facebook. We do not intend to do a diaper raffle, though our feelings on this have less to do with what's traditional and more to do with our desire to use cloth diapers. We're agreeing to everything we can agree to without making ourselves feel out of place or awkward. I'm just so grateful that people are actually interested in coming to celebrate my son with me! 

What to get the Mom-to-Be that has Everything

Pregnancy and those first days with a new baby at home can be rough. You want to find a helpful gift, but it isn't always easy. When the family has been particularly on top of their baby preparations, it can seem impossible to find something fun to share with them. If your friend's registry is bone dry with only a few line items for disposable breast pads, burp cloths, a nasal aspirator, and infant socks, it may be time to look beyond the registry. If you're the sort that has no qualms with providing the tiny left-over items from the registry, then by all means: DO IT! But if you're like the majority of gifters, you would rather bring a gift that is creative, thoughtful, and appreciated. You wouldn't want everyone to think that you waited until you were on your way to the shower to pick up her gift (even if that's exactly what you did). Here is my list of my favorite items to find on or off of a Baby Registry: 

1. The Meal Assistance Gift Bag: This one is easy to pick up even at the last minute. Gather a package of disposable plates, forks, knives, spoons, and cups. Add ons could be a roll of paper towel, a roll of plastic food wrap, or a package of Gladware or Ziploc containers. Put it all together in a cute gift bag and BOOM. You're done. Want to add even more? Include a gift card to a restaurant you know she'll like. Make sure it's a place that offers delivery! She's not going to feel like doing dishes or making dinner any time soon. While people may be planning to bring her meals after she delivers her baby, those people are not likely to stick around to do the dishes for her. 

2. The Registry Gift Card: Pick up a gift card for wherever she had her registry. There's a decent chance that she'll be taking a few things to exchange or return in the next few months. Put the gift in a thoughtful card with a handwritten note telling her that you wanted her to be able to get anything she may have forgotten to register for. 

3. Something handmade: This is not as simple, fast, or universal as the previous suggestions, but it is one of my favorites. I can sew just enough to avoid hiring someone to make my kids' Halloween costumes. When it comes down to it, I can fake a lot of my sewing with a hot glue gun and a visit to the craft shop. I cannot, however, sew anything so elaborate as a crib sheet, quilt, car seat canopy, or nursing cover. I cannot knit or crochet. This is why I love handmade gifts. I'm on Pinterest. I like cutesy stuff. I just can't trust myself to successfully recreate the things in those pictures. My friend Laura, however, can knit. For Christmas, she knitted an adorable blue baby hat with matching booties - and an infant sized Jayne Cobb hat. Considering that our friendship originally budded at a charity screening of "Serenity", this gift held even greater sentimental value. She included a note that only a "Firefly" and "Serenity" fan could possibly understand and I spent the hour after opening the package rewatching "Firefly" and trying to hold back tears. When it's handmade, you know it's made with love.

 

4. The Stork Stack: If you have time to order something online, you've simply got to check this out. The Stork Stack is a one time surprise box full of awesome Baby Shower gift items valued at $75 - but you only pay $40! You can add on a subscription for other boxes to arrive monthly for as long as you'd like. 

5. Llama, Llama, Love that Mama!

Pair the toy and book with THESE perfect little red pajamas and you're all done!

I've even made it easy for you. You can click on either/both of the above images to be taken directly to the site to order them. I recommend getting the large size in the pajamas. This ensures they'll still fit when Baby is old enough to pay a little attention to the book.

6. If she truly has everything... You can always book a pedicure for both of you at a local day spa and tell her you can change the appointment date and time if the ones you chose don't work for her. Pregnant feet are sore, swollen beasts. They need all the care they can get!

What say you, pregnant women of the internet? What would YOU most like to receive?

Baby T: Gender Reveal

The more we get to know one another, the more you will no doubt discover that I consider myself an advocate for gender equality. As such, it would be irresponsible of me to publish this post without saying that while the popular terminology is "Gender Reveal", it should actually be "Sex Reveal". It is impossible to know how your child will self-identify before their birth. Their gender can only truly be reflected then. In the meantime, when we speak of "Gender Reveals", we are actually talking about the discovery through ultrasound of a baby's sexual organs. It's the answer to that big question: Is it a boy or a girl?

If you take a moment to do a Google or Pinterest search for "Gender Reveal", you'll no doubt find a variety of tutorials, party ideas, etc. for how you can share that big news with your loved ones. We opted for a fairly simply version. At our 20 week anatomy scan (which turned out to be a little closer to 22 weeks than 20), we asked the tech to write down whether we would be having a boy or girl and to seal the answer in an envelope that we had provided. We closed our eyes while she checked. After the scan was over and we had finished visiting with our doctor, we headed home. Abe watched the girls and I took the very tempting envelope to our dear friend Theresa over at TCS Cakery in Riverton, Utah. Theresa created our reveal cake.

After we picked up our kids from school, we prepared a quick dinner and afterward we settled in for our last minute guesses. (If there's enough interest, I may post the video of our final guesses and the actual cutting of the cake.)

BABY T IS A BOY!

This reveal was a lot of fun and it helped us to include our older children in the surprise. Having daughters that are heading very quickly into their teen years, we've been trying to find ways to include them in as much of this process as possible. While we could have found out we were having a boy and then shared that news with them, it would have felt less inclusive and less conscious of their feelings. 

We were lucky enough that nobody in the family felt disappointment upon revealing that our new family member will be a boy, but we are aware that it happens. As parents, Abe and I had discussed how we would help our daughters if either of them were disappointed. 

We agreed to let them feel whatever they were feeling without judgement. 

We agreed to hold them or let them spend some time alone if that was what they wanted. 

We made certain to let both of them know that while our family would be growing, our love for them would remain constant and true; that the love within a family expands to include everyone when a family grows. Nobody gets left out. 

The other big question: Would we do it again? 

Probably. I doubt we'd do the exact same reveal again because we're a family that likes trying new things. I think if we were to plan another one, we would take the sealed envelope to a cute baby clothing store and pick out an outfit that would represent each gender. We'd take both outfits to the cashier and explain to the cashier that we would like them to look in the envelope, select the appropriate outfit, and wrap it up where we couldn't see after ringing up our purchase. We would then unwrap the outfit with our children at home. There's no wrong way to do it. Use your imagination (or Google other reveals) and just go for it. As with anything involving parenting, it's probably best to relax a bit and let things happen as they will. Gender Reveals are becoming more popular and I think we'll start seeing ready made kits in stores any day now. Military families and others who may have to share the news over large distances may find some peace in knowing that they have the option to share a reveal over Skype or another messenger without necessarily being any different from those families who are together during such times. The anticipation of holding that envelope is intense. It takes some willpower to see it through, but when you remind yourself that this is what you wanted and that you only get to find out once, things settle down and you may find yourself actually enjoying that odd burst of frantic wonder.

 

Reaping the Benefits of Loyalty

For the longest time, our family did not participate in consumer loyalty programs because we felt they jeopardized our privacy. Something interesting happened to change all of that: I got a job. This particular job (about which I cannot legally give you too many details) involved processing Worker's Compensation Injury Claims. I was taught very quickly how even a simple call center employee can use certain internet tools to uncover far too much about a person: Their address, phone number, employer information, even their social security number.

That put the loyalty program issue to rest. If someone wants that information enough, they'll find it regardless of whether or not I've ever participated in a loyalty program. You're probably already a member of at least one loyalty program. Most grocery stores use them now. The benefits can far outweigh the potential for obnoxious emails and phone calls.

Before I list off my favorite loyalty programs and how they can help you save on baby supplies or save up for that Disney vacation you've wanted to take the kids on, let's cover one of the best tools in your loyalty program arsenal: The junk mail address. I've never received unsolicited physical mail from an online loyalty program, but I've received plenty of email. I've created an alternate email account just for my loyalty programs, contests, etc. You may want to avoid cluttering your everyday email account by doing the same.

My list of Loyalty Programs & other tips to 

help you save on your next Disney Vacation: 

1. The Disney Rewards Visa

Like most rewards credit cards, the Disney Rewards Visa allows you to earn points for each dollar you spend. These points can later be used on a variety of Disney related prizes including hotel stays and souvenirs. Even better: Just by being a card member, you qualify for added Disney benefits at the parks! There are Character Meet N Greet locations specifically reserved for card members at both Disneyland and Disney World. The lines for these Character Meet N Greets can be expected to be shorter than the average Character Meet & Greet lines because the number of people eligible for the experience is significantly less than the number of EVERYBODY AND HIS DOG that can stand in the other lines. This makes your theme park tickets a better bargain because you're able to do more with the time you have in the parks. Consider this your pre-paid Fast Past for an attraction that would never actually offer a Fast Past. Disney Rewards Visa holders can also score discounts at the Disney Store website.

2. Character Dining (No, really)

I can hear your thoughts: How am I going to save money by spending up to $30 per plate for a meal I could otherwise buy for $10 at a concession stand? By avoiding standing in endless, overheated lines to meet characters, you're increasing the value of the park tickets (which you've already paid for) exponentially and saving yourself the stress of several toddler meltdowns. My favorite character dining experience (the only one that we do every single time we visit Disney World) is at Animal Kingdom's Tusker House. The Tusker House character breakfast is a full breakfast buffet with the absolute best Disney breakfast options: Fresh fruit, cereals, eggs, biscuits and gravy, bacon, sausage, amazing potato wedges, pastries... it really is a complete meal. My best advice is to save this experience until you've visited some of the other parks (not Magic Kingdom, though: If you have little kids, save that one for last). After eating theme park fare for a few days, this bountiful buffet will be easily worth the money you spend on it. In addition to being delicious and easily worth the cash (the price varies depending on when you go and the age of each member of your group), dining at the Tusker House is a great opportunity to cut the amount of time you'll spend hunting down beloved characters for photo ops in the parks. While you're dining, Mickey, Goofy, Donald, and Daisy will come greet you at your table. You are welcome to bring your own camera into the restaurant, so use this chance to take a photo of your kids with the characters. During your meal, your kids may even be invited to "Awaken the Day" by joining the characters in a dance around the restaurant. Mom & Dad can relax - Disney makes sure to return each child to the proper table at the conclusion of the dance. Our kids absolutely love it. Bonus advice: You can book your breakfast at the Tusker House for just before the park opens. This increases the value of your theme park tickets even more because you managed to score Character Meet & Greets without wasting a single minute of your visit to Animal Kingdom! Use your Disney Rewards Visa to pay for your meal and you'll be earning points towards even more Disney magic!

3. Landry's Select Club

If you plan to visit T-Rex (Downtown Disney, Orlando) or Rainforest Cafe (Downtown Disney, Anaheim and Orlando; also in Animal Kingdom, Orlando), you'll want to look into Landry's Select Club. Your $25 membership dues include a $25 credit to your account once it has been activated as well as a $25 reward redeemable during the month of your birthday. Landry's has restaurants in 31 states - so it's possible that you could be earning a free meal at Disney when you go out for dinner closer to home.

4. Disney Movie Rewards

Inside your Disney DVDs, you may notice a little paper with a long nonsensical code at the bottom. DON'T THROW IT AWAY! If you go to DisneyMovieRewards.com and sign up for a free account, you can put all those codes to good use! There are often contests for free vacations and if you don't want to spend your points on contests, you can spend those points on special Disney tours or souvenirs. Entering certain codes may even entitle you to coupons to see new Disney movies in theaters FOR FREE! Example: As of today, I have 2 free admissions to "Finding Nemo 3D" and 3 free admissions to either "Frankenweenie" or "Wreck-It Ralph". Each time I use one of these coupons, I'll set aside $5 for my vacation fund. To get you started, here are two Welcome codes: U13PEKSZZD and FPSNN83JX9.
Be sure to see if you're eligible for any surveys, too:
They can be worth up to 100 points a piece!

5. The Hilton loyalty club: HHonors

HHonors is an amazing loyalty club that we've been members of for many years. In New Zealand, we were able to take the member discount offered for Lake Taupo and stay in a beautiful 3 bedroom luxury suite for less than $600 per night. When we wanted to extend our stay but didn't have the pre-paid member discount... the rack price was closer to $1000 per night. We've had free nights in various places because we have been loyal to this program. You can sometimes get free points by cashing in Coke Rewards points or filling out surveys, too - and that is music to a penny-pincher's ears! 

6. The Coca-Cola loyalty club: MyCokeRewards.com

Coke Points can be found on the cardboard packaging for canned Coke products or under caps from 2 ltr bottles, 20 oz bottles, and even Powerade bottles! The prizes change, but we've managed to score free DVD boxed sets, HHonors points, and even a Disney Gift Card. Right now they're offering a sweepstakes for a Disney Cruise, too!

My List of Loyalty Programs for Parents:

By now, you've probably heard of Groupon and LivingSocial, but there are lots of other programs out there that can help parents save big bucks!

1. Pampers Gifts to Grow
Pampers' loyalty program is great because they often release freebie codes. You can earn lots of points without buying lots of Pampers products. The South Suburban Savings blog has already covered this and they've done a brilliant job, so I'm going to send you over to them for the details (and 100 bonus points!)

2. Zulily
Last winter, my Mother-in-Law found my eldest daughter a beautiful, high quality formal coat for less than $50. When I asked her about it, she told me all about Zulily: A sight that works like a consistent clearance sale for all sorts of children's items.

3. Similac, Gerber, Fisher Price, and more...
If you buy it for your kids, look up the website for it. Chances are good that you'll score some big discounts if not lots of free products.

4. WIC
If you're pregnant, have very young children, or are nursing... you may qualify for government assistance through WIC. WIC is not a hand-out: It's a government nutrition program meant to teach low-income families how to eat properly. Whether or not you qualify depends upon the number of young children you have and your income. Check the site for details. Items typically provided by WIC: Milk, cereal, eggs, fruit & veggies, cheese, beans, and fish.